Joe The Plumber vs. The Big Payback:
The Endless Courtship of White Male Voters.
By Black Canseco
It’s been 2 days since Joe, "the plumber" got shouted out by Obama and McCain. Since then Joe’s been everywhere. Interviews, branded T-shirts, negotiating small business deals, buying up web-domains, lining up talk show appearances, and racking up YouTube hits… Without a doubt Joe’s gettin’ his hustle on.
So what he’s not even a plumber or licensed to practice waterworks of any sort in Ohio. So what his first name’s not even Joe. So what he’s a republican plant with ties to Charles Keating. So what Joe's question to Obama was not only loaded, but based on a lot of BS designed to make a candidate look bad? So what.
Ain’t madatcha, Joe.
In fact, I’m actually wondering what took you so long to make an appearance this go 'round.
You see: "Joe" has been a key player in every local, state, and national election since the late 1700s. Only back then, “Joe” was addressed by his formal surname of Mr. Blue Blood.
Blueblood… as in skin so pale one could see the "blue" blood coursing thru your veins; and while it's not actually blue, blood is dark enough to appear blue until its exposed to the atmosphere, hence the phrase. Simply put, “blue blood” was coded language for "white people"—specifically those white people who were “pure” in heritage; and by “pure” I mean those with British, French, Netherlands roots. And of course, blue eyes, “good hair” and a pedigree didn't hurt.
For generations, you couldn’t get elected anywhere for anything without saying overtly that you’d cater to the bluebloods at the expense of the masses— specifically those of darker hue and/or more “ethnic” origins.
Anyway, as Joe Blueblood got more comfortable stateside, the more “Americana” Joe became. In fact, “Joe” became the standard for all in this new land, hence names like Joe Q. Public and Average Joe. But the further Joe got from his noble, elite-euro roots, the more Average Joe became… the more he had to work for a living, the more “working class” and “blue collar” Joe became. (Not as good as he used to be when Joe was still more Euro than US, but still worthy enough not to be lumped in with those nasty dark others.)
In recent generations, Joe’s evolved.
He’s gone from an average Joe to a Government Issued Joe to Joe Q. Public to Joe Sixpack and now he's Joe, the plumber. And as Howard Dean so clumsily reminded us, Joe often drives a truck of some sort and equates gun ownership with freedom and liberty. Joe wants everyone to speak English, just not better than him. And Joe wants you to salute his flag. Or else. And Joe wants his NASCAR. And his fishing. And his big cars. And some horses. And baseball. And his blue jeans. And his Budweiser. And if you want Joe's vote you'd better figure out a way to convince Joe that you're gonna fight for him. (Dammit!)
By the way, Joe’s married now—to a soccermom.
Or is she a security mom? Or a desparate housewife? Or a hockeymom? I forget. Point is she’s a mom of some sort. They met in Joe’s neighborhood back in the day; because, well... she was the girl next door. (She always is.)
These days, Joe and his wife live all over, but they mostly call The Heartland home. They’ve also lived in Middle America. And the suburbs… And in the “deep south”. And often in cul-de-sacs.
Oh, did I mention that Joe and his wife are religious folk? Yup. She attends the Church of Oprah, while Joe spends his Sundays at the altar of NFL-pumping Flatscreen. (God Bless America!)
Now, Joe Plumber knows that there’s never been an election for any office beyond than dogcatcher that did come off without his permission so this no different. Which is why I’m surprised ii took so long for old Joe to make his presence felt this time around.
You see, Joe takes a stand in every election because Joe's got some skin in the game, so to speak. Joe's out to avoid the big payback. Joe thinks that once the other shoe drops, he's gonna get screwed like all those other folks did. And by "other folks" I mean, back of the bus treatment, inferior schools, second class citizenship and all that.
Now is that rational or even plausible? Probably not. But hey, if you see dirt and nothing or get away with dirt, your biggest fear is getting dirt thrown back on you. Which is why Joe's spent every election since Thomas Jefferson's demanding that
every candidate cave in and cater to Joe, his wife and their world. (For more on the courtship of Joe's wife, see HRC and Sarah Palin.)
But now, in a country that's growing increasingly diverse--over 1 in 3 Americans are no longer your average Joes. In fact, there are now over a 100 million Black, Hispanic, Arab, Asian, Pacific Islander citizens. And within a few years, the Joes of the nation will be a minority—by a lot. But as much as race, Joe's ideological tribe is shrinking, too.
So Joe's trying to get while the gettin' is still good. He wants to preserve that last grasp of old world hierarchy and privilege he fought so hard to have. Despite this changing world, Joe wants to remain important enough to be courted and catered to and even feared above all others. Joe wants his needs to remain special. Joe wants his struggles to remain top of mind. Joe wants his successes and aspirations to remain celebrated as the end all be all. Joe wants his ideals to remain the standard everyone else must follow and be measured by.
In short, Joe doesn't want to become average; which is precisely where things are headed whether Joe likes it or not. But Joe ain't going down without a fight.
But that's okay, because neither will we.
