The Memo
Rewind to 1996: Jordan’s still flying. Clinton’s busy juggling Lewinsky and White Water. Baywatch and Melrose Place are top shows. Eric Rudolph bombs the Atlanta Olympics and the FBI responds by arresting Richard Jewel who’s more Barney Fife than Bin Laden. I’m still bumping some New Jack Swing at work, which I just couldn’t let die. Plus I’m one of a handful of Black folks at a large Chicago ad firm.
One afternoon I get an email from “Chris,” one of our media planners. (Chris looks like a Details model, acts like Ashton Kutcher, and is easily the world’s biggest Morris Day fan. He was also one of those really smart, hardworking types that you could see retiring rich by 55 or dropping from an ulcer by 39.):
Chris: You in tomorrow?
Me: Yeah.
Chris: Good. Come in early.
Me: Why?
Chris: Just do it.
Tomorrow comes and I show up early and clueless. I walk to my desk only to find an official memo from the CEO. It states that as of today, the company is instituting random drug testing on all employees, absolutely no exceptions. Failure to comply would be grounds for immediate termination. As people file in, Starbucks’ and bagels in hand and begin checking their in-boxes, things… Start. Popping. Off:
“Oh my God, did you see this?! Is this real?” Up ‘n’ down the hallways the news flies. Every department. Every floor. Random. Drug. Testing. The empire was finally striking back. I was clean, so peeing in a cup didn’t bother me one way or the other. But for the other 160 plus employees, most of who were under 40 and known to “party” it was code red. The natives were shook.
After a couple hours Chris calls: “Happy April Fools, dude!” I checked my calendar. It was indeed April 1st; I’d totally forgot. A bogus memo. (Crazy white boys.) So I wiped the smirk off my face and walked the halls to see if anyone else had figured it out. Near as I could tell, none had. A few seemed skeptical, but not enough to challenge the memo, which was a pretty good fraud job I have to say. “Didn’t they say something about this on Dateline?” Speculation reigned.
For the rest of that morning, bullets were being sweated up and down the flow chart. I overheard people talking about getting lawyers and suing over invasion of privacy. I saw people reading company rulebooks to see if random testing was mentioned in there. But me and Chris? We just kicked back and enjoyed the show. Punk’d would’ve been proud.
By early afternoon a second memo came out—from the real CEO. It stated that the first memo was a joke courtesy of an unknown source that had better stay unknown and silent if they knew what was good for them. There would be no random drug testing. The only other time I saw white folks so relieved was when Friends came back for its 10th season.
One afternoon I get an email from “Chris,” one of our media planners. (Chris looks like a Details model, acts like Ashton Kutcher, and is easily the world’s biggest Morris Day fan. He was also one of those really smart, hardworking types that you could see retiring rich by 55 or dropping from an ulcer by 39.):
Chris: You in tomorrow?
Me: Yeah.
Chris: Good. Come in early.
Me: Why?
Chris: Just do it.
Tomorrow comes and I show up early and clueless. I walk to my desk only to find an official memo from the CEO. It states that as of today, the company is instituting random drug testing on all employees, absolutely no exceptions. Failure to comply would be grounds for immediate termination. As people file in, Starbucks’ and bagels in hand and begin checking their in-boxes, things… Start. Popping. Off:
“Oh my God, did you see this?! Is this real?” Up ‘n’ down the hallways the news flies. Every department. Every floor. Random. Drug. Testing. The empire was finally striking back. I was clean, so peeing in a cup didn’t bother me one way or the other. But for the other 160 plus employees, most of who were under 40 and known to “party” it was code red. The natives were shook.
After a couple hours Chris calls: “Happy April Fools, dude!” I checked my calendar. It was indeed April 1st; I’d totally forgot. A bogus memo. (Crazy white boys.) So I wiped the smirk off my face and walked the halls to see if anyone else had figured it out. Near as I could tell, none had. A few seemed skeptical, but not enough to challenge the memo, which was a pretty good fraud job I have to say. “Didn’t they say something about this on Dateline?” Speculation reigned.
By early afternoon a second memo came out—from the real CEO. It stated that the first memo was a joke courtesy of an unknown source that had better stay unknown and silent if they knew what was good for them. There would be no random drug testing. The only other time I saw white folks so relieved was when Friends came back for its 10th season.
It was once said by a man who couldn’t quit,
“Dopeman, please can I have anotha hit?”
—Ice Cube
“Dopeman, please can I have anotha hit?”
—Ice Cube
But without a doubt, the corporate world’s drug of choice is booze. And I’m not talking the occasional Heineken or Chardonnay with lunch. I’m talking about liquid lunches that go for hours. Office parties with open bars and employees throwing ‘em back until their faces turn red. Happy hours that run ‘til dawn. Friday nights that run thru Sunday afternoon. I swear, some weeks the only thing missing was “I love you mom, send beer money” signage.
Like free high-speed internet access and long-distance calls, alcohol is just another job perk. I’d say 3 out of every 5 nights that we worked past 7 somebody made a beer run; and it wasn’t uncommon for that “somebody” to be a boss. (Short of pink slips, ice-cold 6-packs are great motivation.) And it wasn’t always cheap stuff. It wasn’t uncommon to pop bottles of good wine, whiskey, vodka, bourbon, rum, imported beers, even champagne on occasion. And whenever possible, we’d bill it to a client or wrote it off as “expenses.” As long as it didn’t interfere with work, nobody cared.
So that was the deal at pretty much every company I was at from the early 1990s right thru 2005. Widespread drug use of all kinds. The only difference between work and home was color and class. The users and pushers were a little more educated and a lot whole lot whiter, therefore a whole lot more innocent. No matter were I worked, I spent my nights and weekends watching and dodging cops as they rolled thru snatching up Black, Brown, and occasionally poor Whites for doing the exact same stuff my corporate brethren did almost day and night. The hypocrisy always broke my heart. Still does.
The funny thing was I didn’t drink or do drugs until I got into the business world. Where I lived all I saw were the addicts, the prison records, the ruined lives, and the violence that came with narcotics. It was a big turn-off. But at work, all I saw was the fun, the camaraderie, the innocence and silliness of it all. No one ever got arrested. No one ever OD’d. And only the most extreme abusers ever got fired or hurt. There was no difference between cigarettes, hard drugs, and liquor—it was all part of the same buffet and you ate according to appetite. Now, of course, you make your own choices regardless of environment, but one thing was for sure: The business world’s indifference and mainstream society’s denial are at the core of America’s current drug epidemic.
America racializes its social problems—we rank their importance/urgency according to who’s helped or hurt by them the most. And overall, most every societal ill goes ignored until white America and/or the most powerful among us decides it’s worth addressing. (That’s where the phrase, “How could it happen here?!” which is often code for “We’re white; this shouldn’t happen to white people!” comes from. And by then, the problem’s usually so out of hand that it’s too late to fix.)
In fact, my gramma used to say “It ain’t an epidemic until white folks get it.” She said white people don’t see problems as problems until the repercussions hit their communities. I didn’t get her at first. But after a decade-plus in business and in mainstream neighborhoods, gramma makes sense now more than ever.
Just consider:
While they’ve been ravaging black communities for generations, obesity, failing schools, and a lack of health insurance didn’t become epidemics until they hit Middle America. Teen violence wasn’t an “epidemic” until Paducah, Columbine, et al. Drugs didn’t reach epidemic proportions until suburbanites and “heartlanders” started OD’ing. And from Baby Jessica, Adam Walsh, Polly Klass, and Samantha Runyon to JonBenet Ramsey, Danielle Van Dam, Elizabeth Smart, Chandra Levy, and Laci Peterson to Dru Sjodin, Audrey Seiler, Brooke Wilberger, Lori Hacking, Jessica Lunsford, Jennifer “Runaway Bride” Wilbanks, and countless others we’re constantly reminded that missing women and children only matter when their skin is white. (After all, they’re called “Megan’s Law”, “the Jessica Lunsford Act” and Amber Alerts versus “Jamal’s Law” or “Tawanna Alerts” for a reason.)
Anyway, drugs weren’t the only parallel between the ‘hood and business.
Like free high-speed internet access and long-distance calls, alcohol is just another job perk. I’d say 3 out of every 5 nights that we worked past 7 somebody made a beer run; and it wasn’t uncommon for that “somebody” to be a boss. (Short of pink slips, ice-cold 6-packs are great motivation.) And it wasn’t always cheap stuff. It wasn’t uncommon to pop bottles of good wine, whiskey, vodka, bourbon, rum, imported beers, even champagne on occasion. And whenever possible, we’d bill it to a client or wrote it off as “expenses.” As long as it didn’t interfere with work, nobody cared.
So that was the deal at pretty much every company I was at from the early 1990s right thru 2005. Widespread drug use of all kinds. The only difference between work and home was color and class. The users and pushers were a little more educated and a lot whole lot whiter, therefore a whole lot more innocent. No matter were I worked, I spent my nights and weekends watching and dodging cops as they rolled thru snatching up Black, Brown, and occasionally poor Whites for doing the exact same stuff my corporate brethren did almost day and night. The hypocrisy always broke my heart. Still does.
The funny thing was I didn’t drink or do drugs until I got into the business world. Where I lived all I saw were the addicts, the prison records, the ruined lives, and the violence that came with narcotics. It was a big turn-off. But at work, all I saw was the fun, the camaraderie, the innocence and silliness of it all. No one ever got arrested. No one ever OD’d. And only the most extreme abusers ever got fired or hurt. There was no difference between cigarettes, hard drugs, and liquor—it was all part of the same buffet and you ate according to appetite. Now, of course, you make your own choices regardless of environment, but one thing was for sure: The business world’s indifference and mainstream society’s denial are at the core of America’s current drug epidemic.
America racializes its social problems—we rank their importance/urgency according to who’s helped or hurt by them the most. And overall, most every societal ill goes ignored until white America and/or the most powerful among us decides it’s worth addressing. (That’s where the phrase, “How could it happen here?!” which is often code for “We’re white; this shouldn’t happen to white people!” comes from. And by then, the problem’s usually so out of hand that it’s too late to fix.)
In fact, my gramma used to say “It ain’t an epidemic until white folks get it.” She said white people don’t see problems as problems until the repercussions hit their communities. I didn’t get her at first. But after a decade-plus in business and in mainstream neighborhoods, gramma makes sense now more than ever.
Just consider:
While they’ve been ravaging black communities for generations, obesity, failing schools, and a lack of health insurance didn’t become epidemics until they hit Middle America. Teen violence wasn’t an “epidemic” until Paducah, Columbine, et al. Drugs didn’t reach epidemic proportions until suburbanites and “heartlanders” started OD’ing. And from Baby Jessica, Adam Walsh, Polly Klass, and Samantha Runyon to JonBenet Ramsey, Danielle Van Dam, Elizabeth Smart, Chandra Levy, and Laci Peterson to Dru Sjodin, Audrey Seiler, Brooke Wilberger, Lori Hacking, Jessica Lunsford, Jennifer “Runaway Bride” Wilbanks, and countless others we’re constantly reminded that missing women and children only matter when their skin is white. (After all, they’re called “Megan’s Law”, “the Jessica Lunsford Act” and Amber Alerts versus “Jamal’s Law” or “Tawanna Alerts” for a reason.)
Anyway, drugs weren’t the only parallel between the ‘hood and business.
A street kid gets arrested, gonna do some time.
He’s out in 3 years, just to commit more crime.
A businessman is caught with 24 kilos—
He’s out on bail and out of jail and that’s the just way it goes.
—Melle Mel & Grandmaster Flash
He’s out in 3 years, just to commit more crime.
A businessman is caught with 24 kilos—
He’s out on bail and out of jail and that’s the just way it goes.
—Melle Mel & Grandmaster Flash
