How You Gon' Steal From Me?!

Garrett’s Bluff

Shortly after my little run-in, one of my friends at a rival ad firm told me about “Garrett.” Garrett was a young writer like myself; “Lori,” his boss was this big old brunette (think: Camryn Manheim circa The Practice) and a top VP creative director.

Garrett worked non-stop—not out of fear, but out of like. He admired Lori’s track record, wanted to learn from her and wanted her approval. She milked all of that to work him like a dog, jumping thru hoops whenever. He was clocking crazy hours just to impress but nothing ever seemed to be good enough. Then one day he found out she’d been taking his work and passing it off as her own. Garrett got heated. But rather than knuckle up he fought with his mouth.

He handed in his resignation—to Lori’s boss. Dude went over her head to quit. Of course, they promptly asked why he wanted out. Once he ran it all down, the skeletons tumbled out of her closet like a clown-car. Turns out, Garrett wasn’t the first to want out from under her. Lori had racked up bunches of complaints over the years. But she’d been profitable in the past, so the problems were overlooked. But for whatever reason, this time they under-looked and decided that Garrett was the last straw. Garrett stayed; Lori got fired.

(Remember: Pimps will pimp until you fight back. How you fight is up to you.)

Pimp Rule #7: Pimps can’t run the point.

A point guard’s job is to make everyone around them better. They know everyone’s strengths and weaknesses, and they do what it takes to keep those weaknesses from hurting the team. A great boss is also a great point guard.

Your boss should always make you a better employee. Next to a fat paycheck, professional growth and acquiring new skills are the most valuable things a company can give you. You should always feel like you’re growing and learning under your boss. If you don’t, something’s wrong. Maybe it’s their fault. Maybe it’s yours, so check the mirror first. (Remember Rule #1: Every boss is not a pimp.)

Why managers pimp:

While some make it to the top, most pimps never get past middle management. Why? For starters most managers and supervisors are neurotic and paranoid as hell. They believe they’re overlooked and underpaid. So they try to protect what little they have by pimping. It’s a great way to control your enemies—specifically younger, hungrier (and sometimes smarter) workers who might be able to do your job for less someday. When folks don’t get the raise or promotion they want, they might pimp to make up for it. (Again for some, pimping is a job perk.)
 
Big Pimpin’

Pimping isn’t restricted to individuals. In fact, every archetype in this chapter has a collective counterpart. There are more than a few pimps on the Fortune 1000 list. Just study how companies behave and treat their employees and you’ll be able to see who’s who. My advice: Recognize the pimps in your company and your industry ASAP. If you don’t, you’ll end up as one of their hoes.

Pimpin’ is death.
—Fillmore Slim, legendary San Francisco pimp